also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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