where am i from again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Are we still banned from the library?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
