You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just invented taco cereal.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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