Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
