And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
