Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
