We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
