Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
