why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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