oh fat girl friday strikes again...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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