Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
