oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
