the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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