Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Pooping to opera.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
