yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
