My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
