508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
