Yo dont text me then not text me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
