So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
