Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
