i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
