If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize