I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
