I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
