She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
