If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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