my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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