He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
