My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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