Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
