And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
