About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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