U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
