Just cropdusted the office
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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