Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
