you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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