Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
