in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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