She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this just has baby written all over it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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