she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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