Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
