she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
