I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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