we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
