Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
