Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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