i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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