Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
