My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
