sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
