She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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