her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's always time for handjobs
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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