I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
