I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
