Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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