If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
ttyl tear gas
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
