I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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