just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
