Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
