What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
