I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize