I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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