1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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