Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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