I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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