WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You just made me feel so damn special
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
