Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
